So here is the deal, I have read several books on the struggle to overcome the"passions", and by all means they are quite interesting. But has anyone noticed that most are written by men? and mostly monks?
How am I, a simple wife and mother of 2, suppose to apply wisdom from someone who spends alot of time alone? Alone being what I consider a unachievable dream.
Your post made me smile! I remeber when I asked my priest once if he could lead me toward the writings about a saint who was a little more like me. It seemed that so many of the stories I read started out like this, “Saint Impossible was a perfect child. He even came out of the womb completely potty trained because his poor mother was over burdened.” In other words, it seemed like the the stories were all written by nice little nuns who never wanted to say an even one unkind word about anyone and therefore tended to glorify the humanity right out of the story. I remember talking to Mother Gabriella once about a similar issue. She was talking about the Theotokos as a woman and she said, “Stacy, the Theotokos was a real woman. She probably went to potlucks and people liked her and had conversations with her.” I was never so appreciative of that perspective!!! Anyway, one of the Deacons heard me talking to my priest about wanting to read about a saint a little more like me and he said, “It sounds like you want the story of Saint Joe-Mechanic.” We laughed but I was serious!
After saying all that I have no words of wisdom for you. I’m single and alone-time comes in spades. However, I find that even with all that alone-time I’m no closer to overcoming the passions. Seems that discipline so very often fails me.
Houston’s book is right on target; you will enjoy it.
Alone time does not necessarily breed greater discipline. Overcoming the passions begins with awareness which you apparently have. The second step is to check yourself when you feel tempted - a quick prayer, a change of thought, etc. Thirdly avoid those things, places or situations that put you in the path of temptation. Strength can often be drawn from being with others and community time should have a reasonable balance with alone time.
The same problem exists for men, who have families and worldly responsibilities. St. John Climacus, who wrote The Ladder of Divine Ascent, gave therein the following advice. It seems, slightly changing it, equally applicable to housewives.
“Some people living carelessly in the world have asked me: ‘We have wives and are beset by social cares, and how can we lead the solitary life?’ I replied to them:’Do all the good you can; do not speak evil of anyone; do not steal from anyone; do not lie to anyone; do not be arrogant towards anyone; do not hate anyone; do not be absent from the divine services; be compassionate to the needy; do not offend anyone; do not wreck another man’s happiness; and be content with what your wives can give you. If you behave in this way, you will not be far from the Kingdom of Heaven.’ “ [Step 1,21]
Shouting out to Novice Orthodork, whose characterization the writing of “saints lives” made me inhale a little of the hot coffee I was drinking. I made a joke once (clearly for my own entertainment solely) that the only thing I don’t admire about the written lives of the saints is that they so often “smack of hagiography.”
Well, no one laughed then, either.
At any rate, besides the Huston book (which I also recommend) Frederica’s book, The Illumined Heart, seems a very likely choice; she culls the tradition for a great deal of wisdom that is pertinent and useful to the present moment for men and women both.
Emilie Griffin has two wonderful books on prayer that also cut to the heart of the matter: Doors into Prayer and Clinging.
This poignant question took me back to my active mothering days-- I’m about to become a great grandmother now. There are still many of the same struggles with the same passions. My husban d and I have just come into Orthodoxy in our seventies. The book which influenced me to begin seeking was Frederika’s THE ILLUMINED HEART. The same book has blessed my daughter’s hearts, too. In it I found such a sense of rest and peace, an understanding of how we use the means of grace available to us. It’s just a little book, perfect for a mother to read. If you havn’t read it yet I hope you will.
Being past the stage of children at home at this point of my life, yet I can still remember. I have no remedy for you except leaning into Christ for a few brief moments of sanity. I have read Emilie Griffin’s book, “Clinging” and I believe it might be just what one needs for moments of respite.
There is a book that was written precisely for someone in your position: “Holiness for Housewives” by Dom Hubert Van Zeller. The book was written in the 40s or 50s, if I recall correctly, so it’s a little dated in some of its details, but its overall approach is very sound and wise. Although written by a monk, the author spent much time as a spiritual director working with housewives, and therefore understands very well the trials and difficulties that arise from being a wife and mother.
It is currently in print from Sophia Institute Press. Perhaps Eighth Day carries it? I’m not sure.
